Once I had learned to read the subtle signs it was still possible to push a horse or ask for something when they were not ready but I felt guilty and miserable every time I did it even if it was only for a moment because I knew I was pushing, I knew I was going too fast for the horse whereas before I was just totally oblivious. So once I knew I tried everthing not to get to the point of pushing or rushing a horse...Takes a lot more time patience but the horses will love you for it, you will have a better communication and less resistence.
So this took me a couple of days to figure it
out until I finally got the correlation! I was already getting frustrated because I couldn’t grasp it and I probably still haven’t got it to its full extent with all connections but anyways here
is what I found:
I was forever wondering why during the traumasolutions for the horses most of the time some past lives of their owners came up (and the horse itself only played a minor role like being there at that time, or belonging to them, their father/family or their capturer). First I thought well maybe because it was also their horse during that time but now I think it is more than that. During traumatic experiences we loose soul fragments or consciously separate from them because we can’t stand the pain involved or because our pride can’t take the humiliation etc. so the horses are like keepers of soul fragments that would be otherwise lost in time and space if we wouldn’t actively search for it which we often times don’t to be honest. So to me it almost seems like that they supported us in former times, they kept our lost soul fragments than we get again confronted with this lost part of us when dealing with them which gives us an opportunity to integrate it again, like if a horse is carrying a part of our separated anger and is confronting us with is again by behaving angry we have to deal with it in one way or another and there is no way we can avoid it (except we sell the horse but than we get confronted with in some other way).
So everything is connected with the purpose of us being “whole” again. At least that is my understanding so far…
really have the feeling that there is a lot going on at the moment and the most present thing is that all unresolved past life experiences are coming up again as projections and fears and
illusions and we now have the power to heal it and step out of this never ending circle and step up into a completely new era by willpower alone. I realize that now is the time to release and fee
ourself from any old traumas, wounds, may it be in the emotional body, Solarplexus or the subconscious. It is easier and faster than
ever to let go of it now.
Yesterday my mom called and I was so hurt by what she said to me and I just hung up because I couldn't stand listening. Afterwards I thought about it and I got that it was just a projection and I just have to find the accusation that hurt me, look at it and realize that it is not the truth, forgive myself, forgive her and tell myself that I love myself regardless and that I also love my mother regardless of what she accused me of. And believe me it wasn't an easy thing to do because the hurt was really overwhelming but she just triggered something that I hadn't healed. So if we could just look at everything that we encounter like that and transform it that would really be a blessing and we probably just need to start doing it!
My life – utterly transformed
In order to get a bit more scope and depth about trauma healing I attended a trauma healing workshop this weekend with Dancing Thunder, a native American, clan chief and healer.
What I learned and experienced is truly life changing for me.
Regarding the way I had done the trauma healing for horses so far it was pretty much aligned with what he told me, but what he claimed is, that with humans is trauma healing can only take place if the healer and patient are in a “deanimated “ state – a state where you are wide awake with your perception but nevertheless almost immobile in your body.
Well to tell the truth with me one thing holds true: If you want to convince me about anything you need to proof it and I need to see it, feel it or experience it in any way. (That makes me probably pretty unholy, as Jesus claims that only people who don’ t see it and believe it anyways are holy;-)
Whatever that is beside the topic…
I felt first hand what he told us about the effect the healing will have upon us and I am a believer now.
The story behind it is the following:
I dealt with a mild form of child abuse when I was little and had a lot of trauma solution done because of it as well as for other topics, so I thought I was doing pretty good, although I still had this lingering feeling that there still was something.
Another shaman had already told me in January that there was some healing needed towards my sexuality.
So looking back and as we are really close connected with our horses, it doesn’t surprise me that two days before the clinic my gelding (that I had gelded two weeks before the clinic and which had not had any problems or huge swellings till then)all of a sudden had huge problems with the whole area being swollen like the size of a football. At the same time I had an irregularity in my cycle which I haven’t had in years. At this point in time I didn’t make the connection although I had promised myself to regard the “signs” in the outside as a mirror to what my next topic is to address, especially when it came to my horses.
So long story short – I talked to the woman that had done the trauma healing session with me in Dancing Thunders workshop and she said that the trauma had had something to do with abuse.
Later on when I did the trauma healing for her I saw my deceased grandmother who also had to endure childhood abuse.
All weekend I had constantly called home inquiring about the health situation of my gelding which had not altered -for the record: It started to swell up on Wednesday. The clinic started on Friday. The healing for me took place on Sunday morning – It started to decrease in size Sunday afternoon. It was almost gone by Monday.
For all of you that are concerned now I have to add that he was in a very good mood the whole time, he had clear eyes without any signs of severe pain and he was eating, drinking, peeing and manuring as well as playing and walking. He was also given homeopathies every five minutes as often as possible, an immune booster, Colloidal Silver, Vitamin C, red light treatment, a lot of hand walking, herbal creams, Mash, cold water hoses, herbs, minerals and healing energy. Nevertheless the swelling didn’t improve, shift or alter in any way until after my trauma healing was over. And believe me I was a couple of times on the edge of calling the Vet to just give him the antibiotics and be done with it. I tell you I went through an emotional rollercoaster drive from questioning myself if I am an irresponsible horse owner for not calling the Vet right away and experimenting with natural remedies instead or if he was in pain and I just didn’t see it and so on.
On Monday afternoon I went into a couple of shops and a restaurant and I was awestruck. Men were looking at me in a way I have hardly seen men look at me so far. It was incredible. It was as if they recognized me as a woman and it wasn’t in the way of flirting it was really just like ”I see you”. I mean I was aware that before around men I always had the “attitude” of “don’t come too close”, “don’t look at me”, “I want to be invisible”,” I don’t trust you at all”, “don’t touch me and leave me alone”. And somehow the message must have come across because I never uttered a word. Although if men tried to touch me it was often times those who tried it in an inappropriate way. (which makes perfect sense with the law of attraction).
I didn’t feel intimidated or threatened by it any more as I have been all these years. That was my proof. And I can’t remember seeing so many men look at me so I was so irritated that I first thought there must be something wrong with me and I asked my friend to check just in case but it continued wherever I went;-)
Life turns out quite different than what we think sometimes. We have a plan and expect that it just goes on like that forever. It is a nice illusion that keeps us from being afraid of what lies ahead may it be death or may it just be the next adventure. In the fracture of a moment life can alter completely and there is nothing we can do about it. As a result you may loose your best friend or have to make life changing decisions. That is when I realize that all my attempts to gain control over my life and the people that are here with me are ridiculous. We are all part of a greater plan. A piece of a puzzle in a much greater picture. I fear the unknown and am excited what the future holds for me.
My wonderful friend Firestar died at the beginning of October and this is what I wrote for him:
Today I lost my friend - my best friend.
He never lied to me or betrayed me.
He lived in the moment and enjoyed life to the fullest.
We shared moments of happiness and sadness,
of laughter and pain.
You taught me more than I am probably realizing
or more than I will ever know.
I miss you already because you were a important part of my life.
I will always remember you and I will treasure the memories of our time together in my heart and soul.
I love you and miss you and I know one day we will be back together.
I can't wait and I am looking forward to seeing you again my friend.